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swerval_zero*facepalm*
I'm...I'm writing Fandom High fic. God help me.
Title: Five Ways Parker Didn't Run Into Zero After Graduation I
Rating: PG
Summary: The Watchers' Council would like a word with two of Fandom High's former library aides. Cowritten with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mparker16 at roughly three AM.
Parker raked her eyes over the woman before her, blonde hair streaked lime green, ripped jeans, vintage Sex Pistols t-shirt under a five hundred dollar vintage velvet jacket. “Swerval.”
“Pinkie. Any idea what’s goin’ on?”
“If you’d come with me, please?” a too-earnest young man in his twenties asked them. Parker and Zero cast each other mischievous grins, and followed him. The challenge would be breaking his brain before they got where they were going.
Zero spoke first. “Are you coming to the reunion?”
“Not sure.”
“You should. I got an e-mail from Anakin on the list the other day. He’ll be there, if he can get out of his evil overlord duties.”
“That should be fun, then. He does love to swish that cape of his. Did you see Liz on CNN?”
“I really need to have a talk with her stylist. Her hair looked squallin’ awful.”
“The suit was fantastic, though.” They stepped onto the elevator, which they were soon to discover was the world’s slowest.
“I suppose, if you like that sort of thing.” She pulled down her star-shaped sunglasses and looked Parker over. “Which you do. I thought she was off with Sheppard, though, an’ I got an e-mail from him last week.”
“Oh? What’s he up to?”
“Stuck in another galaxy, please send beer. Oh, and he’s datin’ a physicist.” The man escorting them made a choking sound.
“A physicist? Sheppard? Now I really will have to come to the reunion."
"A rather good one, if Ginge's reaction is anythin' to go by."
"Huh. Sheppard. Who'd have thought it? Joan’s cult is doing well, I hear.”
“Ever since she got Jaye to join up with her, at least. I can never quite take them seriously, though. I think it’s the talking lion.”
“Mm. I don’t know, though. About the reunion. Too many people I’m not sure I want to see again.”
“Oh, didn’t you hear? Angelus got his soul back. And he’s possibly dead.”
“Huh. I did get an e-mail from Emo-Boy Number One. Jupiter’s nice, Aeryn and the kids say hi. And Jack and Sam broke up again.” She said in a mocking tone of voice, “Won’t somebody think of the children?” and reached for her cigarettes.
“There is no smoking in the elevator, Ma’am.” Parker glared, and their escort turned back around. His eyes were already bugging out of his head. Progress.
“They’ll be back together by next Tuesday, and you know it. Rory finally divorced idiot number three.”
“Thank God,” Parker said, with feeling. “Oh, Duo got really fat. And have you heard how Professor Jerusalem’s doing?”
“He got nominated for the Pulitzer, and Phoebe’s still tryin’ to figure out how to get out of her contract. Poor girl really should have read the fine print.”
Parker nodded as they stepped out into a plush hallway. “I was thinking of his appeal, actually. Belgium’s suing for extradition.”
“They won’t get it; they’re Belgians. He seems to be doing well. Lindsey’s taken over his legal counsel.”
“Who?”
“Lindsey MacDonald? He disappeared; you may not have met him.”
“Oh, right, him. I thought he died.”
Zero distantly noted the way their escort perked up at that. “Apparently not if he’s working as Professor Jerusalem’s lawyer. Do you ever hear from Angela an' Marty?”
"Got a postcard from them last Christmas. Camilla's had chicks, did I want one?"
"Did you?"
"Of course not. I can barely take care of myself, never mind a Muppet chicken." The escort made a startled squeaking sound, then opened a door and gestured them inside a shadowy room. Two empty chairs sat before a table, behind which were three figures in shadow.
Parker offered Zero a cigarette and lit it for her. “I thought the disappeared people did die.”
“No, you know that’s not right. Ed and Roy, for instance. They seem to be doing quite well, and Roy disappeared during junior year.”
“That’s good. They always seemed almost sane together.” Parker all but lounged in her chair, legs crossed and eyes slightly narrowed. Zero sat backwards in hers. “Can we get this show on the road? I’m supposed to be on my way to Tahiti right now.”
“Tahiti? Nice. I’m supposed to be filming. You still chasin’ that guy?”
“You mean my incredibly complex brother figure-slash-lover-slash-lifelong annoyance? Yeah.”
“Bastard. Want me to hit him with a mallet for you?”
“No, for that he’d have to hold still long enough.”
“That could be arranged.”
“Ladies,” one of the men said. “If you wouldn’t mind?”
“Oh, yes, of course,” Zero said smoothly. “I’m sorry. What’s all this about, then?”
“We’d like to ask you a few questions about your previous employer.”
“Parker an’ I’ve never worked for the same people.”
“When you were in high school. We have reason to believe there was an Immortal on–”
And with that they were off and running, bit between their teeth, because the contract might have expired on graduation, but ‘protect the librarian’ was forever. Parker said, “Oh, of course, the psychology teacher.”
“Who?”
“Miss Drusilla,” Zero supplied.
“Creepy, lived in the basement, pet tentacle monster.”
“I always thought she qualified more as ‘undead’ myself.”
“Well, that would be part of the whole ‘creepy’ thing, yes.”
“Oh, and she hypnotized people.” Zero tilted her head to watch one of the men scribble ‘Cassandra’ on his notepad, and suppressed a smirk. She had no idea who Cassandra was, but if they were harrassing her they weren't harrassing other people.
“Or the bartender in town. I could have sworn I saw him on the History Channel in a Nazi uniform once. And Angelus, of course. Who else died, Lavender?”
“Lilly Kane. She was awesome. Buffy and Faith–-one of them had to have died at some point, I think.” She drummed her fingers on the back of her chair thoughtfully. “Janet and Kawalsky?”
“Maybe. Oh, of course! Zero, the Dean!”
“Of course! That explains everything! How he knew everything, why he was so creepy...hey, d’you think Sydney was an Immortal, too?”
“No way. He probably adopted her as a baby to give his story more credibility. No real daughter of Dean Bristow could be that clueless.” She took a long drag of her cigarette. “Not to mention getting knocked up at fifteen by a guy who died. Whatever.”
“So irresponsible.” Zero turned her wide, innocent eyes on the men across the table and said, “But if you want to track them down, I doubt you’ll have much luck. They probably all have new names and socials by now.”
“Or have returned to their home dimensions.”
There was a long moment of silence. “Actually,” one of them said after managing to close his gaping mouth, “We’d hoped to talk to you about the librarian.”
Parker said, “What about him? He died,” at the exact same instant Zero said, “Before or after he got turned into a cat?”
Damn her for a fast liar, Parker thought as she switched tacks. “He got turned into a cat by one of the books in Special Collections. What was he, Zero?”
“Abyssinian. He never got over me teasing him about having a long nose even as a cat.”
“He went to live with one of the other students. Not sure who. Anyway, he’s dead by now. Cats don’t live long, and it’s been ten years.”
“Hank McCoy,” Zero supplied. “I went to the funeral. Tried to contact you, but you were in Zambia or some squallin’ place.” Parker wondered briefly if she already had this set up with McCoy. “Tragic, really, how his mind reverted to feline toward the end.” She blinked a few times and said, “Hey, was Draco one of you guys? He had that stupid tattoo like the kid in the hall.”
I'm...I'm writing Fandom High fic. God help me.
Title: Five Ways Parker Didn't Run Into Zero After Graduation I
Rating: PG
Summary: The Watchers' Council would like a word with two of Fandom High's former library aides. Cowritten with
mparker16 at roughly three AM.Parker raked her eyes over the woman before her, blonde hair streaked lime green, ripped jeans, vintage Sex Pistols t-shirt under a five hundred dollar vintage velvet jacket. “Swerval.”
“Pinkie. Any idea what’s goin’ on?”
“If you’d come with me, please?” a too-earnest young man in his twenties asked them. Parker and Zero cast each other mischievous grins, and followed him. The challenge would be breaking his brain before they got where they were going.
Zero spoke first. “Are you coming to the reunion?”
“Not sure.”
“You should. I got an e-mail from Anakin on the list the other day. He’ll be there, if he can get out of his evil overlord duties.”
“That should be fun, then. He does love to swish that cape of his. Did you see Liz on CNN?”
“I really need to have a talk with her stylist. Her hair looked squallin’ awful.”
“The suit was fantastic, though.” They stepped onto the elevator, which they were soon to discover was the world’s slowest.
“I suppose, if you like that sort of thing.” She pulled down her star-shaped sunglasses and looked Parker over. “Which you do. I thought she was off with Sheppard, though, an’ I got an e-mail from him last week.”
“Oh? What’s he up to?”
“Stuck in another galaxy, please send beer. Oh, and he’s datin’ a physicist.” The man escorting them made a choking sound.
“A physicist? Sheppard? Now I really will have to come to the reunion."
"A rather good one, if Ginge's reaction is anythin' to go by."
"Huh. Sheppard. Who'd have thought it? Joan’s cult is doing well, I hear.”
“Ever since she got Jaye to join up with her, at least. I can never quite take them seriously, though. I think it’s the talking lion.”
“Mm. I don’t know, though. About the reunion. Too many people I’m not sure I want to see again.”
“Oh, didn’t you hear? Angelus got his soul back. And he’s possibly dead.”
“Huh. I did get an e-mail from Emo-Boy Number One. Jupiter’s nice, Aeryn and the kids say hi. And Jack and Sam broke up again.” She said in a mocking tone of voice, “Won’t somebody think of the children?” and reached for her cigarettes.
“There is no smoking in the elevator, Ma’am.” Parker glared, and their escort turned back around. His eyes were already bugging out of his head. Progress.
“They’ll be back together by next Tuesday, and you know it. Rory finally divorced idiot number three.”
“Thank God,” Parker said, with feeling. “Oh, Duo got really fat. And have you heard how Professor Jerusalem’s doing?”
“He got nominated for the Pulitzer, and Phoebe’s still tryin’ to figure out how to get out of her contract. Poor girl really should have read the fine print.”
Parker nodded as they stepped out into a plush hallway. “I was thinking of his appeal, actually. Belgium’s suing for extradition.”
“They won’t get it; they’re Belgians. He seems to be doing well. Lindsey’s taken over his legal counsel.”
“Who?”
“Lindsey MacDonald? He disappeared; you may not have met him.”
“Oh, right, him. I thought he died.”
Zero distantly noted the way their escort perked up at that. “Apparently not if he’s working as Professor Jerusalem’s lawyer. Do you ever hear from Angela an' Marty?”
"Got a postcard from them last Christmas. Camilla's had chicks, did I want one?"
"Did you?"
"Of course not. I can barely take care of myself, never mind a Muppet chicken." The escort made a startled squeaking sound, then opened a door and gestured them inside a shadowy room. Two empty chairs sat before a table, behind which were three figures in shadow.
Parker offered Zero a cigarette and lit it for her. “I thought the disappeared people did die.”
“No, you know that’s not right. Ed and Roy, for instance. They seem to be doing quite well, and Roy disappeared during junior year.”
“That’s good. They always seemed almost sane together.” Parker all but lounged in her chair, legs crossed and eyes slightly narrowed. Zero sat backwards in hers. “Can we get this show on the road? I’m supposed to be on my way to Tahiti right now.”
“Tahiti? Nice. I’m supposed to be filming. You still chasin’ that guy?”
“You mean my incredibly complex brother figure-slash-lover-slash-lifelong annoyance? Yeah.”
“Bastard. Want me to hit him with a mallet for you?”
“No, for that he’d have to hold still long enough.”
“That could be arranged.”
“Ladies,” one of the men said. “If you wouldn’t mind?”
“Oh, yes, of course,” Zero said smoothly. “I’m sorry. What’s all this about, then?”
“We’d like to ask you a few questions about your previous employer.”
“Parker an’ I’ve never worked for the same people.”
“When you were in high school. We have reason to believe there was an Immortal on–”
And with that they were off and running, bit between their teeth, because the contract might have expired on graduation, but ‘protect the librarian’ was forever. Parker said, “Oh, of course, the psychology teacher.”
“Who?”
“Miss Drusilla,” Zero supplied.
“Creepy, lived in the basement, pet tentacle monster.”
“I always thought she qualified more as ‘undead’ myself.”
“Well, that would be part of the whole ‘creepy’ thing, yes.”
“Oh, and she hypnotized people.” Zero tilted her head to watch one of the men scribble ‘Cassandra’ on his notepad, and suppressed a smirk. She had no idea who Cassandra was, but if they were harrassing her they weren't harrassing other people.
“Or the bartender in town. I could have sworn I saw him on the History Channel in a Nazi uniform once. And Angelus, of course. Who else died, Lavender?”
“Lilly Kane. She was awesome. Buffy and Faith–-one of them had to have died at some point, I think.” She drummed her fingers on the back of her chair thoughtfully. “Janet and Kawalsky?”
“Maybe. Oh, of course! Zero, the Dean!”
“Of course! That explains everything! How he knew everything, why he was so creepy...hey, d’you think Sydney was an Immortal, too?”
“No way. He probably adopted her as a baby to give his story more credibility. No real daughter of Dean Bristow could be that clueless.” She took a long drag of her cigarette. “Not to mention getting knocked up at fifteen by a guy who died. Whatever.”
“So irresponsible.” Zero turned her wide, innocent eyes on the men across the table and said, “But if you want to track them down, I doubt you’ll have much luck. They probably all have new names and socials by now.”
“Or have returned to their home dimensions.”
There was a long moment of silence. “Actually,” one of them said after managing to close his gaping mouth, “We’d hoped to talk to you about the librarian.”
Parker said, “What about him? He died,” at the exact same instant Zero said, “Before or after he got turned into a cat?”
Damn her for a fast liar, Parker thought as she switched tacks. “He got turned into a cat by one of the books in Special Collections. What was he, Zero?”
“Abyssinian. He never got over me teasing him about having a long nose even as a cat.”
“He went to live with one of the other students. Not sure who. Anyway, he’s dead by now. Cats don’t live long, and it’s been ten years.”
“Hank McCoy,” Zero supplied. “I went to the funeral. Tried to contact you, but you were in Zambia or some squallin’ place.” Parker wondered briefly if she already had this set up with McCoy. “Tragic, really, how his mind reverted to feline toward the end.” She blinked a few times and said, “Hey, was Draco one of you guys? He had that stupid tattoo like the kid in the hall.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 12:44 am (UTC)Right?
*hopeful look*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 12:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 12:47 am (UTC)*rereads*
It's so shiny . . .
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 12:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 12:52 am (UTC)*innocent whistle*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:07 am (UTC)Which means that now I'm remembering things like the Callisto/Bagoas vs. Miho part.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:15 am (UTC)And that segued into whether Bagoas was immortal or not, but they got their wires crossed and were talking about Miho or something.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:17 am (UTC)And, yeah, I think we also said Callisto was on CNN taking hostages, didn't we?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:20 am (UTC)You wouldn't actually have been far off, canonically she does end up and immortal at one stage.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:31 am (UTC)